I've been waiting for disasters
I've noticed. All my life.
It started back in High School
when I thought If
I was dying it'd give me
an excuse to make my way
out to the middle of Colorado
to fish and live in the springs
or if my parents died or something worse
everyone would say
it's ok.. it's the hardship.
Now I've been waiting for an excuse
to tear myself apart again
and smoke myself to sleep
in the morning.
I've been more and more curious
about how it would feel
for something really bad
to happen and that's a bad sign.
Been reading poetry that somehow
got published from men who felt
banned by the rest and feeling
what the hell and identify
is a word that might fit
and also alienation to see my thoughts on
another's page before my eyes
and back to the songs that hurt.
